Post Script - Finch from What It Is To Burn
My Victory Song:
Post Script ~Finch
For:
Graduating Penn State University
Though the only one who really looks at this page is Laura, I would have posted something like this on Facebook if I still had one.
I’m finally a graduate from Penn State University! I am still amazed that I was able to push for this achievement. All those years of stress and thinking I couldn’t make it, along with the pain and depression I faced finding out who I really was. Its all over….. I did it….. and I’m so proud of myself.
This is my greatest and hardest achievement I have made in life so far and it is more than a simple degree to me. This degree marks a new beginning for me as a person, as it serves as a true reminder to myself, to show just how strong and determined I can really be.
I’m so happy, I feel free…. and now I’m going to keep my dreams alive and strive for success!!!
Maybe someday I’ll write about all I faced in college, the emotions, the depression, the determination and so on, but that post would be too long. For now I just wanted to write a little about whats going on in my head.
I did it! I did it! I DID IT!!!!!
So I have all sorts of new goals to set and reach in this new year. This year is the year I WILL graduate, find a career path to follow, get an appartment, lose weight, get healthy, and solve my money issues to make way for my school loans to come in. I am so confident and driven to accomplish all that I set out to do this year and I hope I can regain my full momentum and keep it.
Laura will land a job before March, have her teeth taken care of completely, get herself current with her finances, find and stick to her drive, meet her health goals and improver her overall health, move into our own place and be able to pay for it, continue to move forward in life and make peace with the past. (There is plenty more but that is for her to decide) (These suggestions will only work if she wishes to develop the drive for them) ; ) “Continuously find fuel for your fire babe, you might not always be able to find the same sticks to throw in it but you may find ones that burn brighter during your search” ~Me ; )
So back on to me =p:
Ive learned a lot over the year, and I have accomplished more than any other year I have been alive…. well besides birth =p.
Top 5 Take-aways from 2011:
1.) You can do ANYTHING you set your mind too, but you have to believe it, fight for it, and most importantly believe in yourself, even if you don’t initially.
2.) When you are at your limit, ALWAYS push a little harder. (Thus you are forever improving)
3.) Don’t rely too much on exercise, or too much on dieting. The middleground is the perfect place to be when it comes to losing weight and toning your body. (YinYang shows up a lot in this world).
4.) There is always a new way of approaching a problem you have not tried yet, that approach, when found, will solve your problem.
5.) When going into Philly or any City, Park in a parking garage or gated area only =p.
2011 was fun, it was HARD but it was fun and now that it is over, re-visiting those accomplishments makes me feel great. I aim to make 2012 even better. Laura is catching on and we are making our moves to progress. I plan to continue to grow in experiance and become stronger everyday. I know Laura will as well, I believe this is her year to “Breakout shine” like I discovered I was able to do in the middle of 2011. Lets ring in the new year with a wonderful series of accomplishments and celebrations. Everything will be earned and that makes the felling so much better.
Hello 2012,
My name is Shawn and I plan to make you my best year yet. Just try and keep the Earth held together for me ; ) I’ll just keep doing my thing.
Lets do this,
~Shawn
So my page seemed like it needed an update. Things in the new year so far are very to the point. At this point there is no more room for playing around. This is the year where things are really going to start happening, because we will make them happen.
So before I go on, here’s a list of goals and ideas I had written about in previous posts. These were posted six months ago and I have not updated them until now:
School Goals (Fall):
1.) Get a “C+” or higher in every course this semester
Fail (D in Anthropology) (Served its purpos tho)
2.) Get at least a “C” in each 400 level class
Check Check (All A’s in 400 level classes)
3.) Finish proposal by end of September
Check
4.) Get needed books
Check
5.) Find a way to pay school.
CHECK
6.) Organize assignments and important dates
CHECK
Fall Goals:
PLANS:
1.) Make it to the renaissance faire once in October.
Check
2.) Make it to six flags for fright fest.
Fail (Too poor at the time)
3.) Plan an emergency house procedure.
Ehhhhhhhh that didnt really work out, 1/2
MONEY:
1.) Continue to build money
Check (Though it just went to school)
2.) Create a Savings of $1,500.00 by winter.
Check
3.) Figure out a spending percentage or plan for each event.
Check
4.) Put $200.00 away for iPhone 5
Check and canceled (No release)
PERSONAL:
1.) Use methods to keep stress level down.
1/2
2.) lose 20lbs by December
Fail
3.) Balance nutrition by october
Fail
*The mish mash above had a lot more goals on my phone which i completed, however i deleted them. So thats all I have haha. Im still going to Give myself an A+*
So, Since i love this song so much, and listen to it, typically only when i actually accomplish something, I picked up the lyrics.
They are better than I thought they were, and it definatly deserves to be my victory song ; )
Post Script: Finch
I wish it didnt hurt, hurt like this
To say these things to you
I’ll sacrifice
one moment
for one truth
If we get through tomorrow then we’ll be fine
(Than we’ll be fine)
We’ll wait for, forever and see how close we get
It’s just another day
One more chance to get this right
I’ll sacrifice forever, please just for tonight
If we get through tomorrow then we’ll be fine
(then we’ll be fine)
We’ll wait for forever and see how close we get
(WE GET!)
The worst is over for now
Take a breath, now let it out
The worst is over for now
Take a breath, now let it out
The worst is over for now
Post Script - Finch from What It Is To Burn
My most difficult and important semester is finally over. Rediculous amounts of stress headaches and simple anxiety have come to an end for now. I am still waiting for two grades but Its looking good *knock on wood*
This Song:
This is one of my “ending/victory songs.” I play them repeadedly after accomplishing something important and taking a large sigh of relief. This song is my #1 victory song, so give it a listen. The ending is basically the part I relate too, I cant understand all of the middle. However, it is called “POST SCRIPT” so its safe to say its a victory song, especially for me ; )
Earlier, after work when I got home, I began to face an overwhelming spot of depression while looking at facebook and other people’s lives. I saw how they were all having fun, some younger than me, flying all around the world and seemingly enjoying everyday of their life. I am generally used to being late when it comes to life, it took longer than it should for my intimate life to even begin and I have mostly been behind in just about everything. So school, though its not a surprise to me, has held me back for an extra 2 years. Its almost over, and I have changed so much in the past year, I am proud of myself on so many levels. However, every once in a while you can lose focus, that goes for everyone.
So back on topic, I seen that everyone was having fun and spending a lot of time with their boyfriend/girlfriend, going places, flying to places, simply going out and having fun. I stopped and for a moment said “well why aren’t I doing those things?” I thought about it, and after some time I began to remember what I am working for. These people have their own lives, have made their own mistakes, and have their own advantages. Their lives are different from mine, maybe they made the right choices and got the hard part out of the way and are now just enjoying their better than average paying job and time. I however, just like usual, am a different story. I started out acting….well lazy. I can cast blame on depression (didn’t know what it was called back then) and other reasons like my dad sucked or my teachers sucked, or w/e…. the point is, when it all comes down to it, its my fault, just like its your fault if you had let, or do let yourself act like that.
**Let me break the story for a moment to explain something important that people could learn from others who are willing to tell them, however it usually is learned through experience anyway….. here it goes, LIFE…..DOESN’T CAREEEEEEE, no matter how much you bitch about what he said/she said, he did/she did/ they did, I have this problem/ that problem, this is why/ that is why, I don’t have money/ I don’t have this/ I don’t have that, I cant do this/ I cant do that………….It sounds cruel doesn’t it? Well that’s because it is….. there is no doubt about it. If you need to make something happen, it is UP TO YOU to MAKE IT HAPPEN. Hey, maybe some people will help you along the way, or give you a break here and there…. but the bottom line is, you have to do it……….Now here’s the good part, if you can do it, if you can find ways to make things happen, you will have gained the single most important PIECE OF KNOWLEDGE YOU CAN LEARN FROM THIS LIFE. You are empowered with the ability to fail…. and you are empowered with the ability to succeed, its your choice. The strong will move forward and succeed, while the weak minded will fail and begin to fade, its a timeless story, only the strong survive….. however, EVERYBODY has the ability to become strong. No matter what has happened in your life, no matter how much you feel oppressed/ depressed/looked down on/ not as good as others/ this, that and the other thing, you can BECOME strong…. don’t say you cant because it has been done time and time again. My story has yet to unfold but I will become stronger and stronger from what was once a pit of despair. Everybody has a story, concentrate on YOUR OWN and only YOU can truly change yourself for the better. Now get out there and DO it, START SLOWLY, I did not change over night, it takes time to build your realization and confidence and you may make mistakes along the way, just find out what works. You can do it ; )
**
Going back to the story, I remembered that by being lazy early on and spending money that I didn’t have, has dug a hole in my road that must be repaired. THEY are out having fun and doing things I should be doing, however “I” am working hard to repay the debt I made back when THEY were working hard to do the right thing. It was my choice to spend money on my credit cards, and it is my choice to work hard now to repay them. Would I have your respect if I simply stopped working to spend more money and then when the bills come in say “ehh im to tired to go to work,” NO I should not be earning your respect at that point! Now I will go to work sick just to get ahead or keep current, where as back then I would instantly call out for a cough. I have earned so much SELF respect from working as much as I do and stepping up my game, as well as the respect of friends and family who are realizing now, finally, how much I work.
My school shuttle driver tells me all the time that I am the best kind of person, because no matter what happens, I will work to make things happen no matter what. There is more to work than money, though that is my largest concern, work gives me much more. I can respect myself so much more and my mind has become more and more clear as I have called in and gained hours.
So those people have their own stories and I have my own. I WILL be successful no matter what. I had to step back and remember why I was working and fighting so hard. I had grown tired recently, doing the same thing day in and day out with no play had become routine and I began to fall into a slump. I remembered why I was working, and I feel so recharged. Success is within my reach and I am going to grab it. I will clear these debts and I have already begun a lifestyle change in order to lose weight that is good for before, after, and during Operation 829. I will take control back over my life, body, success and self respect. Also, I would like whoever reads this to remember that you can do this too. YOUR story is different then mine, the same methods I use may not always work for you, you need to experiment and find your own ways to do thing but above all find a way to make it happen and you will reach your dreams. Do yourself a favor and don’t look for excuses for why you can’t…… if you just listened to that advice, congratz you have already started =) Good luck!
Operation 829 is a fancy name for a temporary harsh lifestyle change I will be invoking beginning this coming new year. The name was taken to remind myself that it is not a diet and it is not permanent. However, the time has been shortened from my original plan in order to increase my optimism and willpower. The original length of time from the beginning day was three months, however it would not be wise to but such a restraint on my metabolism/mind.
What is it?
Operation 829 will allow me to regain my control over my eating habits and rid my system of cravings and withdrawal from certain foods. From the time it is invoked, I will be obligated to do at least the minimum workout routine every night before bed and then get a shower, regardless of how much I have done during the day.
Operation 829 will push my limits of willpower and help me gain more willpower as I go along with the program. The goal of this program is not only to lose weight, but take back control over my body and eat healthier foods while saving money. Specifically rationed foods packed every night will ensure I have the proper nutrients throughout the day w/o over eating or spending money on food per day. Exercise to help the body shape itself and release stress on the mind.
The date:
Marked January 2nd, I will begin Operation 829 for one month and am confined to the program for the full length of the month. Come February 2nd I will choose weather or not to begin again. The goal is to reach the target weight of 200lbs. Personal goals will be to hold the operation for 3 consecutive months and a grand goal of 5 if needed.
Why:
I have decided that my eating habits since my surgery have not only returned but have worsened. I had freedom and ended up loseing myself to cravings once again. The main focus of this operation is my health. I am overweight, of coarse I have plenty of muscle, that is true, but I am still overweight. I must bring the fat down and the muscle up or the same. Also this will make me pay close attention to foods I am to ingest. Cheese will be cut back or eliminated as well as soda and other bad choices I make on a regular basis. This is an extremely harsh operation which is why it is being made temporary.
What happenes when it’s over? You’ll blow back up won’t you?
No, once I have reached the target weight or I am satisfied with my health and body, I will reevaluate my operation 829 into a lifelong plan, it will eventually cease to have a name and become how I look at foods and myself.
Are you confident?
Yes, I’m very determined. So much so that I want to start now, but Christmas and news years are right around the corner and I believe I can handle one more month w/o starting it.
Whether it sounds stupid to you or ingenious, that’s what I plan to do. The fancy name is even a part of the plan because this is not a diet and I wanted it to be personal, which is why I used my tag numbers “829.”
Last question, why do this?
It is time, it has been for a long time but now, I have improved in so many ways, this is important to me. I’m not trying to be a narcicist or anything, I just want to be healthy and I want people to look at me and say “well he looks like he knows how to take care of himself” vs. “well he looks like he has no self control or can’t take care of himself.” A lot of people worry about their image, but truth of the matter is, if you are heavyset, there is the normal bias that you don’t look good…. But in business and the work worlds, you look unkempt and disorderly. Above all tho, I would like to treaty body well and I haven’t for many years, I have to make it up to it and I have the willpower to do so, I just can’t give in, I’m not giving in now and look where that has got me so far, it will work I know it. =]
